Closest to Christ in our Sufferings

I struggle to write and write well. I'm constantly journaling in my head about anything and everything: family conversations, sermons that strike me, goofy things with my children, mothering, nuturing, being a Christian in a broken world, wanting my life to reflect His Joy. But I don't seem to be able to overcome my own brain cells everytime I type a post to reflect what I truly feel inside and want to get to come out of my fingers. I guess I'll just have to allow this blog and journey of suffering our family is experiencing to be my sloppy copy and allow the Lord to refine it: In His Time.

This year, 2009, we set out to conquer the world! We are in our new home, with a high powered and unexpected job for John, we planned to be in a wonderful church serving Him, homeschooling our kids to be all they can be in His timing, I wanted to be a Light in our neighborhood and was busy with Awana Club, we were ready for John's big promotion to come, start our savings over and begin to use John's salary as a means to serve others.

Clearly, we aren't the authors of our own lives. 2009 has been the worst year of our married lives to date. We've been more needy of the Body than we've ever been! Our year has gone in a direction we never imagined: Benefactor resigned from caring for college needs for one of our children leaving us with mounting bills and on our knees, Unknown sexual abuse has devestated our children leaving one child outside of our home in a psychiatric hospital and one child in counseling with a 3rd child mourning the loss of a beloved brother; the weakest cords of our marriage have been exposed in dealing with the stress sometimes revealing deep pain and hurts.

Our roof had truly caved in on our family this year and slowly I felt myself coming out from underneath the rubble and working to rebuild our lives realtionally and financially from our Cave in. Then there was last night's phonecall: Kel, it's not good I need you to behave yourself, I have something to tell you. It's stage 4 and in Daddy's lower lobe of his right lung. There are also some spots on his left lung. Plus congestive heart failure plus a thyroid problem. 6 months on the short side 3 years on the long side.

I know that I know that I know we are closest to Christ in our sufferings. The Gospels are full of stories of miracles of healings. All a person had to do was get close to our Precious Savior to be restored. But the restoration wasn't just a physical healing, it was and still can be so much sweeter. It's a restoration of the mind, a comforting of the inward soul, a deep peace. Then Christ commanded those he healed to oftentimes: Go! Tell Others about what the Son of Man has done.

What my beautiful Savior is doing and has done for me and my family during such tragedy is knit our hearts together. What I want this blog to be about is a journey my family is on. It's not a pretty one. It's like many of those we read about in Scripture who just wanted to get CLOSE to Jesus for the healing. I know that we are closest to Christ in our sufferings. Stay tuned. Miracles of the heart and faith are waiting to burst forth!